Time to Talk Day - Living with a mental illness

It's a weird feeling being depressed. That feeling of emptiness, loneliness. I can't say I have ever been exposed to such intense emotions before, but after a terrible break up last year I reached rock bottom. July 2014 - the month my relationship ended for good. The heartbreak, the anguish, the sadness. I often cried myself to sleep - not just because of the break up, but because of the torment, the sheer torture my partner had put me through for so long.

Yes, I was in a very unstable relationship and many of you reading this may feel no empathy, but if you haven't been in a similar situation, then it is difficult to understand. There was a time when I would once mock girls who would run back to their partners after they had cheated on them, or even abused them for that matter. I saw this as a sign of weakness rather than strength but let me tell you - it takes a lot of strength to keep going back there - there is only so much pain one can expose themselves to. After finding myself in a similar situation, I now understand the  mental strains a relationship of that sort can have on a individual. 

Talking about mental illnesses can be difficult. I never understood what it meant to have a mental illness before I met my ex partner who suffered with a personality disorder, but here I am two years later working in mental health (the sheer irony). Since then I have been passionate in my bid to get people talking about mental illness. In fact, I never thought I would pluck up the courage to write something like this, and so openly too. But if I can make a difference to just one person's life by sharing this post, that would make me a very happy woman indeed. 

If there is one thing working in mental health has taught me; it's the vast about of mental health issues out there, and the sheer amount of us suffering and not reaching out to anyone. Many people don't realise how closely intertwined both our physical health and mental health are. It makes perfect sense though -if you are ill in hospital, obviously this is going to have a drastic effect on the way you are feeling mentally. We all know too well that the government aren't investing enough money into mental health services. This often takes a back seat in comparison to acute Trusts. However, this is an issue that is being addressed and  will hopefully improve over time.

Last week on 5th February it was Time to Talk day, a national event which encouraged the nation to start talking about mental health, whilst challenging those stigmas often attached to mental health issues. Being able to promote such an important event was incredible. I got to talk to so many different people, some of whom had suffered previously with mental illness, and others who were intrigued to find out more. Sometimes it is the little things like starting  a conversation with a stranger which really help. I know I used to struggle when speaking about my depression as this is something my family never understood. Again, this comes down to not being able to relate to the situation. My father is very old fashioned in his beliefs and would often laugh off the idea of me being depressed.

Generally, I have always been a happy girl, very outgoing and sociable, but the chemical imbalance in my brain for that year or so during my relationship was very concerning. It was so easy for me to slip back into that depressive mode where staying in the house seemed a better option than venturing out. I grabbed onto the highs and tried to eliminate the lows but it's easier said than done. Sometimes your thoughts are your worst enemy. The only way forward was to keep occupied, to think positively. Positive thinking breeds positive actions. I know how easy it is to sit and feel sorry for yourself - I have done that many of times. It's about getting up and starting to make those positive changes which is the hardest part. Remember, you are never alone. Whether it's your family, friends or even a professional, there is always someone to help.

If you want to find out more about Time to Talk day, then click here and join in the conversation.

Have you ever dealt with a mental illness? What do you understand about mental health?

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Yoga for beginners

I am always one for trying new things - whether this be food, clothes, wine - I am your woman. A fitness fanatic (as I often like to call myself), it's only fitting that I came across the wonders of yoga at some point. Prior to attending my first yoga class, I had heard many great things from various friends of mine about this mindful practice. Often said to test your strength and stability, this is a workout like no other. Of course, this could only make me eager to find out more. I went along to my first yoga session not only for the workout element (which I have to say didn't quite live up to my expectations), but to open my mind, to feel liberated. The latter I certainly achieved. This was a very relaxing session where I got to stretch my body to new limits and clear my mind of any worries. For those of you who aren't sure what yoga is, or if you are reading this because you want to find out more, and possibly try it for yourself then do read on.

We began then with a quick warm up- stretching our bodies in all sort of ways, and of course finding out who were the most flexible ones amongst us. I have got to give it to our yoga instructor - she was not only very friendly but also very spiritual too. After a quick warm up, it was time to try out some of the more testing exercises (if that's what you call them). Luckily for me I have quite good balance - my weekly gym sessions certainly made me look like I had been doing this for a while. Some of the moves I was already familiar with thanks to my Wii fit back in the day. We finished off the session by turning off the lights and sleeping. Yes - sleeping. I didn't quite know what to make of the sleeping part and I can't say I was overly keen. I was expecting my money to be well spent and to feel like I had actually worked out afterwards. That's not to say it wasn't enjoyable, I just think a lot of the moves you could do in the comfort of your own home using the wonderful Youtube of course (god bless the internet). I ended up in fits of laughter and walked out with a rather red face. Maybe I am not cut out for this spiritual stuff after all...

As you may know, I have an avid interest in anything concerning mindfulness, which has acted as a constant theme on my blog posts recently. I often find myself over thinking things, especially at night due to recent trauma in my life, and yoga is a brilliant way of de stressing - there is no denying this. However, just like meditation (which I will be focusing on in one of my next blog posts), this is something you have to practice in order to get the most out of it. Even though this isn't a strenuous workout, you are testing your core stability and strength which makes this an art form in its own right. Remember, training your mental health is completely different yo your physical, and this is something we need to be more concious of.

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